Funny How I >>> Desperate Blogging

This blog entry is somewhere from the web and I am very that I forgot where did this came from, if anybody is reading this posting and know about, please let me know the original web address.

 

Funny how I'm making an attempt at an online diary, ostensibly to document my activities and realizations, and today i gave a class on the Bhagavad-gita at the Hare Krishna Temple sunday Feast about how, in actuality, in material existence, nobody is the doer. We're all yanked around by the three modes. we're like little conscious machines, rather, machines inhabited by consciousness. We're the conscious being, the machine is the body.

 

I had to qualify my statement, by saying that there is a difference between acting unconsciously and acting consciously. Most people don’t act consciously. Their lives are lived for them. They’re dragged around by their desires. They don’t really make progress towards an ultimate goal. They may not be aware that such a thing as an “ultimate goal of life” exists. They’re the ones who think they’re acting, but in essence, they’re being acted upon.

 

The other category of person acts in knowledge of their life’s objective. They seek true and lasting happiness. They’re curious about the next life. They’re curious about the notion of an Absolute Truth. They are willing to accept, even theoretically, that there is an ultimate goal, and when they find it, they move towards it.

 

However, it is very possible to find life’s ultimate goal, to have it in your sights, but be afraid to go for it, when it comes down to it. I’m like that, a lot of the time.

Today was my big day at the temple. I led the group chanting, gave the class, spoke with university students afterwards. I have a blessed life. But mostly I don’t see it, or I am too busy rooting around for some low-level sense gratification to acknowledge and make full use of the blessings that have been heaped upon me by Krishna and His devotees. Very few people get the chance to do what I do. And I know I could do more, but I’m afraid.

What am I afraid of? Stupid stuff like poverty, austerity, the cold weather, and a vague notion that I’ll be uncomfortable overall if I surrender to the notion that I really ought to devote my life to teaching and writing. That’s the thing – I don’t want to devote my life to anything that I fear will make me uncomfortable. And the fact is that, in avoiding what will really be fulfilling, I’m dooming myself to a lifetime of spiritual and mental discomfort.

 

Another thing I’m afraid of is doing anything that might shorten my lifespan. When I was a kid, I was literally afraid of smoking and drinking and drugs because I was sure they would shorten my lifespan, and I wanted to live a long time. With all my brain cells intact. I held back from “enjoying” what a lot of my friends were enjoying.

Now I’m holding back from giving my life for the service of the Absolute Truth. As if I had any choice in that matter. I’m going to die anyway, sooner or later, so why not live it up for Krishna? Why not live like this is really my last lifetime in material existence, and I’m headed for Krishnaloka as soon as my clock runs out here? What am I saving my energy for?

 

Instead of counting my blessings, I often count my curses. Like, if I were to count my curses now, they might look like this:

1. I can’t get auto Correct to work on my Word program

2. There are raccoons in the rafters that get in and out through holes in the roof

3. the landlady won’t fix the roof

4. I’m starting a new day job tomorrow, and I’m afraid of letting it get me down

5. it’s cold outside

6. I don’t know what I’m going to do for lunch-on-the-job tomorrow

7. I’m sitting here counting my curses

8. I kicked the Earth Ball too hard in high school, and now my knee still bugs me, twenty years later

9. I worry about the future of my life. Whether I’ll get mentally stuck working “day jobs” forever

 

All these things, in a different mind set, could be blessings:

1. I have to be more careful and accurate while typing

2. If you get too attached to your place of residence, where’s the impetus for making plans to return to the spiritual world?

3. if the landlady fixed the roof, she might also raise the rent

4. Krishna made finding a new job very easy for me. I can walk to get there (if I have to), the “boss” likes me already, it starts with OK salary and promises to increase

5. cold outside means no mosquitoes and you can sleep good at night

6. I have plenty of options for what to eat. I could go to Expressly Vegetarian, the Seventh Day Adventist restaurant across the street, I could go next door to the health food store, I could make Nashville subji, I could bring sandwiches. I could bring take-out from the temple. I could bring samosas from the freezer, along with salad. My worries are nothing compared to the world’s worries.

7. this is called “creative nonfiction”

8. a constant reminder that I am not this body, and any material body is merely an instrument for experiencing pain

9. I need to constantly remind myself about my spiritual nature, constantly either be reading or hearing from my teachers, and “worrying” about what I’m doing to please Krishna.

See, it’s all a matter of how you see things. Same situation, different perspective. Perspective “B”, looking at my curses as blessings, certainly takes less energy, and actually gives me great happiness. Perspective “A” leaves me depressed, devoid of energy, and hopeless. How do I want to live my life? What impression do I want to make on the world? This life is so ridiculously short, and if you don’t make the most of each moment in it, you’re as good as doomed to suffer unnecessarily.

 

Today I started a new "job". I put the word job in shudder quotes because I'd like to examine more closely what is meant by the word.

Job means something that needs to get done. an accomplishment. work. So I started a new kind of work today. Who knows how long it will last? I know. Not long. why? what is it? Aren't you going to tell us?

 

Sure. I now have a "job" at an outdoor furniture store in Chestnut Hill, a posh neighborhood of Philadelphia. full of old stone houses, cobblestone streets, narrow storefronts, wrought-iron gas lamps, formerly serviced by trolley cars. Now home to a slew of trendy and not-so trendy stores, antique stores, a Borders bookstore, jewelry stores, oriental rug store, and I work as an assembly and driver guy for the outdoor furniture store.

 

Why did I choose that job? They were looking for somebody, and I was tired of looking at my bank account constantly shrinking with no solid prospect of leveling off and heading in the other direction from me sitting around and playing guitar.

Plus, I liked the owner, he liked me, and I figured it's close enough to walk if I have to, blah blah blah. It's a "job". Lots of people have jobs, is my consolation. My guru is always asking me when I'm going to get another job.

 

I wonder what he expects from me. Like, if he was my father, in the old-fashioned sense, he would be grooming me for a career, based on his connections in the world and his knowledge of my proclivities and abilities. I wonder what he would groom me for? My parents groomed me to be a failure, a frustrated wanna-be artist for the rest of my life, with nothing but regrets, and maybe a couple of kids to show for my troubles in the workforce, doomed to doing something I don't like to do simply because it pays.

 

"LIFE IS PRICELESS, COST IS LIFE, REWARD, ETERNAL KNOWLEDGE OF SECRETS OF THE SECRETS, DEATH IS NOT THE LIMIT, YOUR KNOWLEDGE IS."

 

Moron's World :: Weblog @ www.morons-world.blogspot.com
Abstract blogging @ moron's world >>> Blogging for the desperate world!