Friday, July 28, 2006

The Bible According to Kids

 
The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)

- In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark because Noah built the ark, which the animals came to in pears.

- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

- Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

- Samson slew the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.

- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

- Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to find the ten commendments.

- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

- The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery".

- Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
 
This  blog entry is posted at the moron's world blog!
 

Monday, July 24, 2006

Good Night, Good Bye

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa."

The father said, "Why did you say good-bye to Grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this -- "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died.

My goodness, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the Dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."

Sunday, July 23, 2006

The Spanish Tragedy

 

Packed with melodrama and violence, revenge tragedies were very popular in England in the late 16th century and early 17th century. One of the earliest and best of these plays was The Spanish Tragedy (c. 1580) by English dramatist Thomas Kyd. In Kyd’s play, civil servant Hieronimo seeks to avenge the murder of his son, Horatio. The chief villain is Lorenzo, nephew to the king of Spain. Lorenzo has aligned himself with the Portuguese prince Balthazar, who covets Lorenzo’s sister Bel-imperia. Lorenzo and Balthazar discover that Bel-imperia favours Horatio and have him killed. In these scenes from the third act Hieronomo learns who murdered his son, and Lorenzo tries to cover his trail.

Moron's world blog posting. All rights reserved.

 

The Spanish Tragedy

Act 3 Scene ii

Enter Hieronimo

HIERONIMO. O eyes, no eyes, but fountains fraught with tears;
O life, no life, but lively form of death;
O world, no world, but mass of public wrongs,
Confused and filled with murder and misdeeds;
O sacred heavens! If this unhallowed deed,
If this inhuman and barbarous attempt,
If this incomparable murder thus
Of mine, but now no more my son,
Shall unrevealed and unrevengèd pass,
How should we term your dealings to be just,
If you unjustly deal with those that in your justice trust?
The night, sad secretary to my moans,
With direful visions wake my vexèd soul,
And with the wounds of my distressful son
Solicit me for notice of his death.
The ugly fiends do sally forth of hell,
And frame my steps to unfrequented paths,
And fear my heart with fierce inflamèd thoughts.
The cloudy day my discontents records,
Early begins to register my dreams
And drive me forth to seek the murderer.
Eyes, life, world, heavens, hell, night, and day,
See, search, show, send some man, some mean, that may—

A letter falleth

What's here? A letter? Tush, it is not so!—
A letter written to Hieronimo!

Red ink

[Reads] 'For want of ink, receive this bloody writ.
Me hath my hapless brother hid from thee;
Revenge thyself on Balthazar and him:
For these were they that murderèd thy son.
Hieronimo, revenge Horatio's death,
And better fare than Bel-imperia doth.'
What means this unexpected miracle?
My son slain by Lorenzo and the prince!
What cause had they Horatio to malign?
Or what might move thee, Bel-imperia,
To accuse thy brother had he been the mean?
Hieronimo, beware; thou art betrayed,
And to entrap thy life this train is laid.
Advise thee therefore; be not credulous.
This is devisèd to endanger thee,
That thou, by this, Lorenzo shouldst accuse:
And he, for thy dishonour done, should draw
Thy life in question and thy name in hate.
Dear was the life of my belovèd son,
And of his death behoves me be revenged;
Then hazard not thine own, Hieronimo,
But live t'effect thy resolution.
I therefore will by circumstances try
What I can gather to confirm this writ;
And, heark'ning near the Duke of Castile's house,
Close, if I can, with Bel-imperia,
To listen more, but nothing to bewray.

Enter Pedringano

Now, Pedringano!


PEDRIGANO. Now, Hieronimo!

HIERONIMO. Where's thy lady?

PEDRINGANO. I know not; here's my lord.

Enter Lorenzo


LORENZO. How now, who's this? Hieronimo?

HIERONIMO. My lord.

PEDRINGANO. He asketh for my Lady Bel-imperia.

LORENZO. What to do, Hieronimo? The duke my father hath
Upon some disgrace awhile removed her hence;
But if it be aught I may inform her of,
Tell me, Hieronimo, and I'll let her know it.


HIERONIMO. Nay, nay, my lord, I thank you, it shall not need.
I had a suit unto her, but too late,
And her disgrace makes me unfortunate.


LORENZO. Why so, Hieronimo? Use me.

HIERONIMO. O no, my lord, I dare not; it must not be.
I humbly thank your lordship.


LORENZO. Why then, farewell.

HIERONIMO [aside].
My grief no heart, my thoughts no tongue can tell.

Exit [Hieronimo]


LORENZO. Come hither, Pedringano, seest thou this?

PEDRINGANO. My lord, I see it and suspect it too.

LORENZO. This is that damnèd villain Serberine
That hath, I fear, revealed Horatio's death.


PEDRINGANO. My lord, he could not, 'twas so lately done;
And since, he hath not left my company.


LORENZO. Admit he have not, his condition's such
As fear or flattering words may make him false.
I know his humour, and therewith repent
That e'er I used him in this enterprise.
But, Pedringano, to prevent the worst,
And 'cause I know thee secret as my soul,
Here, for thy further satisfaction, take thou this

Gives Pedringano more gold

And hearken to me; thus it is devised:
This night thou must (and prithee, so resolve)
Meet Serberine at Saint Luigi's Park—
Thou knowest 'tis here hard by behind the house—
There take thy stand, and see thou strike him sure,
For die he must, if we do mean to live.


PEDRINGANO. But how shall Serberine be there, my lord?

LORENZO. Let me alone, I'll send to him to meet
The prince and me, where thou must do this deed.


PEDRINGANO. It shall be done, my lord, it shall be done;
And I'll go arm myself to meet him there.


LORENZO. When things shall alter, as I hope they will,
Then shalt thou mount for this. Thou knowest my mind.

Exit Pedringano

Che le Ieron!

Enter Page


PAGE. My lord?

LORENZO. Go, sirrah, to Serberine,
And bid him forthwith meet the prince and me
At Saint Luigi's Park, behind the house,
This evening, boy.


PAGE. I go, my lord.

LORENZO. But sirrah, let the hour be eight o'clock.
Bid him not fail.


PAGE. I fly, my lord.

Exit [Page]


LORENZO. Now to confirm the complot thou hast cast
Of all these practices, I'll spread the watch,
Upon precise commandment from the king,
Strongly to guard the place where Pedringano
This night shall murder hapless Serberine.
Thus must we work that will avoid distrust;
Thus must we practice to prevent mishap,
And thus one ill another must expulse.
This sly enquiry of Hieronimo
For Bel-imperia breeds suspicion,
And this suspicion bodes a further ill.
As for myself, I know my secret fault,
And so do they; but I have dealt for them.
They that for coin their souls endangerèd,
To save my life, for coin shall venture theirs;
And better it's that base companions die
Than by their life to hazard our good haps.
Nor shall they live for me to fear their faith:
I'll trust myself, myself shall be my friend;
For die they shall—
Slaves are ordainèd to no other end.

Exit


Act 3 Scene iii

Enter Pedringano with a pistol

PEDRINGANO. Now, Pedringano, bid thy pistol hold,
And hold on, Fortune! once more favour me;
Give but success to mine attempting spirit,
And let me shift for taking of mine aim.
Here is the gold: this is the gold proposed;
It is no dream that I adventure for,
But Pedringano is possessed thereof.
And he that would not strain his conscience
For him that thus his liberal purse hath stretched,
Unworthy such a favour, may he fail,
And wishing, want, when such as I prevail.
As for the fear of apprehension,
I know, if need should be, my noble lord
Will stand between me and ensuing harms.
Besides, this place is free from all suspect.
Here, therefore, will I stay and take my stand.

Enter the Watch


FIRST WATCH. I wonder much to what intent it is
That we are thus expressly charged to watch.


SECOND WATCH. 'Tis by commandment in the king's own name.

THIRD WATCH. But we were never wont to watch and ward
So near the duke his brother's house before.


SECOND WATCH. Content yourself; stand close; there's somewhat in't.

[The Watch conceal themselves.] Enter Serberine


SERBERINE. Here, Serberine, attend and stay thy pace;
For here did Don Lorenzo's page appoint
That thou by his command shouldst meet with him.
How fit a place, if one were so disposed,
Methinks this corner is to close with one.


PEDRINGANO. Here comes the bird that I must seize upon.
Now, Pedringano, or never, play the man!


SERBERINE. I wonder that his lordship stays so long,
Or wherefore should he send for me so late?


PEDRINGANO. For this, Serberine! And thou shalt ha't.

[Pedringano] shoots the dag [at Serberine, who falls]

So, there he lies; my promise is performed.


FIRST WATCH. Hark, gentlemen, this is a pistol shot!

SECOND WATCH. And here's one slain; stay the murderer!

PEDRINGANO. Now by the sorrows of the souls in hell,
Who first lays hand on me, I'll be his priest.

[Pedringano] strives with the Watch, [who subdue him]


THIRD WATCH. Sirrah, confess, and therein play the priest:
Why hast thou thus unkindly kilLed the man?


PEDRINGANO. Why? Because he walked abroad so late.

THIRD WATCH. Come, sir, you had been better kept your bed
Than have committed this misdeed so late.


SECOND WATCH. Come, to the marshal's with the murderer!

FIRST WATCH. On to Hieronimo's! Help me here
To bring the murdered body with us too.


PEDRINGANO. Hieronimo? Carry me before whom you will.
Whate'er he be, I'll answer him and you.
And do your worst, for I defy you all.

Exeunt


Act 3 Scene iv

Enter Lorenzo and Balthazar

BALTHAZAR. How now, my lord, what makes you rise so soon?


LORENZO. Fear of preventing our mishaps too late.

BALTHAZAR. What mischief is it that we not mistrust?

LORENZO. Our greatest ills we least mistrust, my lord,
And inexpected harms do hurt us most.


BALTHAZAR. Why, tell me, Don Lorenzo, tell me, man,
If aught concerns our honour and your own.


LORENZO. Nor you nor me, my lord, but both in one;
For I suspect—and the presumption's great—
That by those base confederates in our fault,
Touching the death of Don Horatio,
We are betrayed to old Hieronimo.


BALTHAZAR. Betrayed, Lorenzo? Tush, it cannot be.

LORENZO. A guilty conscience, urgèd with the thought
Of former evils, easily cannot err.
I am persuaded—and dissuade me not—
That all's revealèd to Hieronimo.
And therefore know that I have cast it thus—

[Enter Page]

But here's the page. How now? What news with thee?


PAGE. My lord, Serberine is slain.

BALTHAZAR Who? Serberine, my man?

PAGE. Your highness' man, my lord.

LORENZO. Speak, page, who murdered him?

PAGE. He that is apprehended for the fact.

LORENZO. Who?

PAGE. Pedringano.

BALTHAZAR. Is Serberine slain, that loved his lord so well?
Injurious villain, murderer of his friend!


LORENZO. Hath Pedringano murdered Serberine?
My lord, let me entreat you to take the pains
To exasperate and hasten his revenge
With your complaints unto my lord the king.
This their dissension breeds a greater doubt.


BALTHAZAR. Assure thee, Don Lorenzo, he shall die,
Or else his highness hardly shall deny.
Meanwhile I'll haste the marshal-sessions,
For die he shall for this his damnèd deed.

Exit Balthazar


LORENZO. Why so, this fits our former policy,
And thus experience bids the wise to deal.
I lay the plot, he prosecutes the point.
I set the trap, he breaks the worthless twigs
And sees not that wherewith the bird was limed.
Thus hopeful men that mean to hold their own
Must look like fowlers to their dearest friends.
He runs to kill whom I have holp to catch,
And no man knows it was my reaching fatch.
'Tis hard to trust unto a multitude,
Or any one, in mine opinion,
When men themselves their secrets will reveal.

Enter a Messenger with a letter

Boy!


PAGE. My lord.

LORENZO. What's he?

MESSENGER. I have a letter to your lordship.

LORENZO. From whence?

MESSENGER. From Pedringano that's imprisonèd.

LORENZO. So he is in prison then?

MESSENGER. Aye, my good lord.

LORENZO. What would he with us? He writes us here,
To stand good lord, and help him in distress.
Tell him I have his letters, know his mind;
And what we may, let him assure him of.
Fellow, begone; my boy shall follow thee.

Exit Messenger

This works like wax; yet once more try thy wits.
Boy, go convey this purse to Pedringano;
Thou knowest the prison; closely give it him,
And be advised that none be thereabout.
Bid him be merry still, but secret;
And though the marshal-sessions be today,
Bid him not doubt of his delivery.
Tell him his pardon is already signed
And thereon bid him boldly be resolved;
For, were he ready to be turnèd off—
As 'tis my will the uttermost be tried—
Thou with his pardon shalt attend him still.
Show him this box; tell him his pardon's in't.
But open't not, an if thou lovest thy life;
But let him wisely keep his hopes unknown:
He shall not want while Don Lorenzo lives.
Away!


PAGE. I go, my lord, I run.

LORENZO. But, sirrah, see that this be cleanly done.

Exit Page

Now stands our fortune on a tickle point,
And now or never ends Lorenzo's doubts.
One only thing is uneffected yet,
And that's to see the executioner.
But to what end? I list not trust the air
With utterance of our pretence therein,
For fear the privy whisp'ring of the wind
Convey our words amongst unfriendly ears,
That lie too open to advantages.
E quel che voglio io, nessun lo sa,
Intendo io: quel mi basterá.
[And what I want, no one knows;
I understand, that is enough for me.]

Exit
 
This excerpt of The Spanish Tragedy posted in the moron's world blog is derived from Four Revenge Tragedies, oup.com.
 
 

God's Email

 
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of his best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while.

When she returned she told God, "Yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good."

Well, he considered for a moment and thought maybe he'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view. So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good."

God said this was not good.

So he decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that e-mail said?

Oh, you didn't get one either, huh?
 
 
 

wrecked pieces

 

"so-called wrecked pieces of L-I-F-E"

I have been thinking of this idea - “Let me pour my days: days of a sadism, days of a pagan, hours of happiness, hours of friendship, years of failure, years of loneliness and the aimless life…ahead” since very long.

 

‘Tomorrow’ is going to eat me up but finally just I promised myself, get it done now, right now.

 

Those of you who are interested (of course! I am , let me know yourself too), Please read between lines. I have finally found an open place to express my feelings “how a man explores a person inside him”.

 

I am sure this is totally a monotonous, please suggest!

 

It’s finally what I have decided to blog the next page of “so-called wrecked pieces of L-I-F-E”. Hope you are here and fore ever…

 

Thanking You!

 *****

March 23, 2005 : CBT “Oldie”

I, now, do not swear what I really was. Aiming “Sky is not the limit” has finally appeared evanescent, in fact covert feelings. I like to continue though…never has an smile rulef my face after an examination. Also expectations need to be refined and redefined for simply the best purposes. Today I got why most of the people are average, their cerebrum is not perfectly bilaterally symmetrical.

 Esp: I though that my English was OK but if you aim high you can atleast rich some heights. So was the case with me. I hoped atleast satisfaction of 270 could rule with my CBT , actually I have already given any hopes of anticipations, I didn’t surprise at 203-257 score range; I am used to claim the GOD, whom I’d recently started believing. I am becoming a perfect fatalistic. Let’s see if it be 257 itself or rather at least a seven less.

 

March 24, 2005: “Clad”

Though new sun rises everyday, it pulls the dark each day. No new inspirations, maudlin sentiments get nothin’ reward more than vicarious crocodile tears. Browsed “Match” as if someone if being mine or I could meet someone to be yours.

 

Though your clothing pulls the eye of the beholder, as soon as vox populi get ruined, your shirt is sold for nothinness…

 

 

March 25, 2005: “Holi”

Gone were the past, childlike but the sensation. You know which flavor to add to the receipe of success. No one better than you can know ways to fly high whether colors are aloft saucers or the faded pages.

 

Jindagi/so-called L-I-F-E unparallel to jivan/so-called Lively-Hood” once again the Evangelina’s resurrection mades me think of reclusive azure. Malai k lag chha bhane/ what I feel unless you become a master or engage yourself, no b’ful (remember the quotes of it) moments be celebrated as today’s holi- the color of joy- also hidden are the tears (at least after 5 years beam may rise again).

March 28, 2005: “Joe Blogggs”

No wondering, neither sui generic these tri-days. Cosmetic sensations has ruled inspite geneless nails – a pant and a t-shirt. Not a Hallelujah – it’s all jinx rather jinxed destiny.

 

Is this all I wanted to brawl? Yes, my dear I am requesting you.

 

March 29, 2005: “Tour de Force”

But… the crystal ball began. ‘You will find the right gal’, everything vague, tensions arising; you better know I never owned ‘spaces’ these past twelve months and so more. Hope I will continue “if wishes were horses, beggars would ride”. Anyway, go get the balls…you might catch them.

 

Best of Luck's! sorry that’s redefined as “All the Best” does it not sound good?

 

 

March 31, 2005 : “Ally”

Though you may think it is a better perspective to be alone is happy, it is always good to have someone laze around. The time has come for all of my thoughts to ponder over someone very special “Not much 2 wait 4 I’m coming, my dear!”

 

Total vision will sure share my bond of love and the chemistry of bonding. I am lookin’ forward to seeing you soon…hey! No hesitation heyday is a want, is a tour de force. If not please, let me know.

 *****
April 01, 2005: “Fading prototype”

Sabai sapanharu tuti gaye…jugau jug jiuchhu bhanthe./ It’s all so-bad to dream that you might find your self letting stop your heart.

 

April 05, 2005: “Is it LIFE?”

What’s life? Without an impossible dream…Easier are totally easy-goers and not to talk of futilitarian as me. Truly said is 99 of 100 people are just people; I am not a Joe Blogg as well. I am a person in a man.

 

One day I will change the world, you all will see. Please, bookmark my this blog. What I need is a mauka/a chance but events not a happenstance; I’ve two legs and hands and a brain to work with. My next target is “ACT” expect no less than 31 of 36 but leave or ‘think out of the box’ will not make me a braggart. Yes! I am a braggart of my pride (once upon a time- when those high school days were superb- me always first of the rank and the best of all).

 

I am a person, a person in a man, a person of dreams!!! Lastly, dreaming is at least good for being convalesce.

 *****

Hi buddies!

It’s a long RECESS after the previous day. Is any one there to notice me?  It’s a resume a gain. http://mydreams.net is it my possible dream land to sensualise sense?  Please, help me with humanity, see the poor human is being degraded..at least not for ore than a month or a two.

Have a good time!

 *****

June 5, 2005: “Environs”

The same stuff again, same sad face and the same azure sky. Flourishing ads of nothingness but life stucks anyway.

 

People with helping face but total hypocrites, pretenders and so are they. Mind to explore bank or memories; need for money, only because money matters and for which almost everyone are tied uo with.

 

I beg your pardon, (I update my “so-called wrecked pieces of L-I-F-E” almost everyday ----but you know to err or not to is human), I am a person (?) with no PMF index, think you too are.

 

How violent a person can be for an M? This has clarified my sobering affluent towards people with easy and amiable mouths today. “Never believe a person” shall I going to make a good decision? ..You are too distant?? I know you believe me and we too.

 

Good Day!

 

June 6, 2005

By this time you must have found me psychie or crack or sadist or pagan oe whatever you think and like to come up with.

 

Why should we exchange our briefs? Our matters? Why not? At last, we are human with humane in. keep on… I am not a mad.

Good Night!

 

 June 13, 2005: “N’ where is the stuff?”

“A wise man never marries, if he marries but otherwise!” Do you agree? This month has revitalized immortal being to be and for monomaniac illness. Anyway, after all this shall not be the last deduction to be drawn.

 

June26, 2005: “Notre Damus”

Sorry for illusions! (Prevention is better than precaution)

Sara-Freeder is here after an innovation with her predictions to me and my so-called wreaked pieces of life. But see she says I am poorer? But asking for stuff a money paper...is it fair? 

 

I have developed a sense to aid real poor? Poor of Somalia, remote village at Everest, civics of Amazon; its sure the ceremonies will held at respective trees. There are no Hyatt or Crown Plazas at all or Saudi Mahals. Why do you not introduce a fine label of potato to real farmers at the field rather at star hotels. Its quite surprising.

 

This always fills my eyes to maudlin sentiments.

 

June 29, 2005: “continued...”

Sara-Freder has predicted in exactly 11 days from 27th will my fate rule my life as she can forsee! If its sure why didn’t she foresee Tsunamis or Iraqis or so-praised battles.

 

Frens I shall bear an exception opportunity on July 07 this coming week, she has guaranteed it. New friendship will begin- it might if you help.

 

Let’s see her power to forsee my fate.


 *****

Saturday July 01, 2005: “Nothing flourishes as Life”

You might find it awkward to believe it…yes I am talking about same Sara---so curious!

 

http://morons-world.blogspot.com

 

 

Friday, July 21, 2006

Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously I

- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

- A day without sunshine is like...night.

- On the other hand, you have different fingers

- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- Remember, half the people you know are below average.

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
 
 
 

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Quotes!

"History teaches us that whenever a weak and ignorant people possess a thing which a strong and enlightened people want, it must be yielded up peaceably."
 
"A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune."
 
"History teaches us that whenever a weak and ignorant people possess a thing which a strong and enlightened people want, it must be yielded up peaceably."
 
"The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own."
 
"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude."
 
"Successful investing is anticipating the anticipations of others."
 
 
Definitely a moron's world, http://morons-world.blogspot.com
 

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Fw: If The Earth Were a Small Village

 
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of 100 people, with everything else remaining the same, it would look like this:

There would be:

* 57 Asians
* 21 Europeans
* 14 from the Western Hemisphere,
* 8 Africans,

* 52 would be female
* 48 would be male

* 70 would be non-white
* 30 would be white

* 70 would be non-Christian
* 30 would be Christian

* 95 would be heterosexual
* 5 would be homosexual

* 6 people would own 59% of the world's wealth, and all 6 would be from the United States

* 80 would live in substandard housing

* 70 would be unable to read

* 50 would suffer from malnutrition

* 1 would be near death
* 1 would be near birth

* 1 would have a college education

* 1 would own a computer

* 0 would play oboe

The Best Gunfighter

Morris, as a young man in the Old West, wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. So Morris walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him up and down and said, "I have a suggestion that is sure to help."

"Tell me, tell me," said the young man.

"Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"Definitely," said the old man.

Young Morris did what he was told and drew his gun and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "Wow, that really helped. Do you have any more suggestions?"

"Yeah, if you cut a notch in the top of your holster where the hammer hits, the gun will come out smoother."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"It sure will," said the old man.

The young guy did what he was told and drew his gun and shot a cufflink off the piano player. "This is really helping me. Is there anything else you can share with me?"

"One more thing," said the old man. "Get that can of axle grease over there in the corner and rub it all over your gun."

The young Morris didn't hesitate but started putting the grease on the gun.

"No, the whole gun, handle and everything," said the old man.

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"No," said the old man, "but, when Wyatt Earp gets done playing that piano, he's going to put that gun where the sun don't shine, and it won't hurt as much."
 

Saturday, July 08, 2006

If The Earth Were a Small Village

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of 100 people, with everything else remaining the same, it would look like this:

There would be:

* 57 Asians
* 21 Europeans
* 14 from the Western Hemisphere,
* 8 Africans,

* 52 would be female
* 48 would be male

* 70 would be non-white
* 30 would be white

* 70 would be non-Christian
* 30 would be Christian

* 95 would be heterosexual
* 5 would be homosexual

* 6 people would own 59% of the world's wealth, and all 6 would be from the United States

* 80 would live in substandard housing

* 70 would be unable to read

* 50 would suffer from malnutrition

* 1 would be near death
* 1 would be near birth

* 1 would have a college education

* 1 would own a computer

* 0 would play oboe

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Why Specs Live Forever

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.

Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Specs and Bureaucracies live forever.

So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's rear came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

The Images of Mother

Does it feels like being a mother? Are you? Pronounce it before You begin......
 
4 YEARS OF AGE My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE Naturally, Mother doesn't know that either.
16 YEARS OF AGE Mother, She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE That old woman, She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion
45 YEARS OF AGE Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE Wish I could talk it over with Mom once more.